Thursday, December 3, 2009

Life Changes Things

Awhile ago Colleen and I had a discussion about being a Surrogate Mother. I don't even remember if this was a private conversation, or a discussion on a blog or some other social networking site. The one thing I do remember, is that Colleen and I, like in many other aspects of our lives, disagreed with one another. Part of the many beauties of our friendship.

She would do it in questions asked...even for a total stranger. I on the other hand, said that I could never see myself doing it. In fact, who even knows if I could carry another baby, but the thought of putting my body through that experience and not being able to reap the benefits did not sound appealing to me at all. As I look back on this conversation, I! That sounds really selfish. On many different moral issues, I feel I have a strong opinion on how I would handle the situation, or how I would act. But honestly, does anyone really, truly know how they would handle things until they are put in that very specific position?

Take the subject of abortion. As a 29 year old woman, I can 100% say I would never have an abortion and I think it is a horrible act that is taken way to lightly in this world. Please, this is not meant to spark a pro choice/pro life debate. All I'm saying is, Yes, I can easily say that now. But guess what? I never got pregnant in high school. I was never impregnated by a family member or a rapist. I was never put in the situation to have to make that decision. Are you understanding my point?

When Josh and I got pregnant with Malakai – I was 23. This pregnancy was unplanned, yet we fell in love with him from the moment we found out. I felt so incredibly blessed to have been able to conceive and carry such a wonderful little baby, without complications. I really took my fertility for granted and as I go through life I come across so many people not as lucky.

I could do it. I could do it for those that I love. For those that want nothing more than to experience the amazing gift of being a parent. I can't say that I could do it for a stranger, but if someone that special in my life, truly wanted the unbelievable feeling and love that only a parent can posses, I could do it. I would do it.

Would you? Could you? Do you think it would take being put in that specific situation before you could truly decide?



Katie Thomson said...

I would absolutely do and plan on doing it at some point. I have even gone as far as to start researching it and asking my principal if I am even allowed to. (How do I explain that to the students?)
I have LOVED every minute of being a mother and sometimes a surrogate is the only option for some people to achieve that. I would love to be able to provide that for anyone.

Heather said...

WOW... I am breaking down again!! GIRL you got to stop doing this to me :)
I told Jason I was not going to get upset anymore over the fertility thing and here I am again turning into "Polly Puddles".... I need to let go of what I have no control over... so much easier said then done. I know I am not the only one to go through this.... but it is really hard when you are told over and over again that there is no explanation for why I can not get pregnant.
I was in Target yesterday after getting my depressing news AGAIN, and I saw a girl who looked no older then 13 about ready to POP!! I was really ANGRY with this stranger like it was her fault that I can not get pregnant. Life seems so unfair sometimes.
We are not giving up.... and I know I will be OK... but this is something I think about all the time. Jason wants to go back to the days of when "BABY" was not on my mind 24/7. I feel like my body has become some huge science experiment..... Going through the fertility process is mentally, physically, and financially EXHAUSTING!! I do not think anyone can really understand how hard it is unless they have gone through the process.
Children are such a blessing.... helping someone to have a baby of their own is a miracle in its own, and it would take a very strong and selfless person to be able to do that...
Don't even get me started on the abortion thing.... I have afriend who had the nerve to tell me she just took the PLAN B pill... knowing everything that I am going through. I am not sure I would even call her a friend at this point.... and let's just say this is not the first time she has done this.
Working with kids... you see sooooo many parents who have no business being a parent, or appreation for their child. It is a really hard thing to swallow when I really want to just RIP into them!!
You have 2 PERFECT babies!! You and Josh are PERFECT parents!! I really admire the fact that you would be willing to consider to be a surrogate if you were asked.... I know that I would do the same for someone if I was able to.

Karissa said...

Which is exactly why I would do it for you in a second Heather!! This process I've watch you go through has made me realize that I would do ANYTHING I could to help you and the same goes for your brother!! We love you!!

Colleen said...

I am so happy you wrote this. I struggled with the procedure I had done because I knew I would no longer be able to provide this "service"! I don't know how we are friends, I don't think we ever agree on a thing, but you know what, I love you so much because of it. I love that we don't have to agree, I love that you would do it now, I love that you can admit, you didn't get it then, but you get it now, etc. You are wise beyond your years my friend!

I just love you!

Don't expect any change of heart regarding Sarah Palin any time soon!!!!!!!!!!! ROTFLMAO!

Sarah S said...

Ok, so you told me that you blogged and of course I came right home to read, and all I can say is WOW!!!

You know the situation that I am having and you know the fact that I want babies so bad and of course it kills me that it hasn't happened yet. Yes I said yet because I know one day I will have some on my own. Because I believe that both David and I would make great parents. I like Heather see these kids having babies and it makes me so mad, or also sees people who have babies that shouldn't and then continue to have them just so they can live off the government (you know who I'm talking about). So I am glad that you have also changed your mind.

Becoming a parent is something that many want to have, of course not all women want to have, and it pains me when I hear people just taking care of it with a Plan B, or an abortion. I won’t go into the views that I have on abortion because to each is their own.

Very good blog, did get me teary eyed a little bit. Thanks a lot

Sarah McK said...

Sounds like you may have a couple of takers judging by their comments.... I would do it for my sister Rachel who is having infertility problems in a heartbeat, but I can't imagine doing it for someone whom I did not love with all of my heart. But that's just me.

the swope family said...

Well, I must say that I'm in the "Would have to be in the situation before I could say yes/no." category. I can't imagine doing it for a stranger but can't imagine not doing it for someone that I loved dearly. So, if the question ever arises, I'll let you know!!